


You Are Not Alone

by KeiKou9275



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Blood, Cutting, Dads of Marmora (Voltron), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Post Naxzela, Read this at your own risk, Suicide Attempt, Team as Family, Trigger Warnings, Triggers, i wrote this while I was in a very dark place, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 17:16:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18503473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeiKou9275/pseuds/KeiKou9275
Summary: After the events of Naxzela, Keith learns that he doesn't have to face the hurt alone.





	You Are Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Cutting, stress relief, depression, self-worth issues, blood, self-harm. Please do not read if any of the above triggers you.

Keith held the razor to his arm, quickly drawing it across his skin. He sighed in relief as he felt the blood run down his skin. It had been a few quintents after Naxela, after his almost run-in with death. Keith hadn't wanted to die, but the situation had been so dire that he hadn't seen another option. It had truly been a shock when Lotor had blasted through the shield and destroyed the amplifier, ending the immediate threat to the Coalition for the time being. Keith had still been in a state of mild shock, not quite understanding how he was still alive.

The former Paladin was grateful that Matt had kept quiet about his almost suicide run, but he could feel Kolivan, Antok, Thace, and Ulaz's eyes on him when they came together to talk with the Paladins about Lotor and his motives. Although Keith had said nothing about the incident, it was clear that the older Blades had an idea of what Keith had tried to do.

Soon, the realization that he had almost perished plus the stress of the last few months caught up to him.

It was then that his old habit of cutting himself reared its ugly head. It had become a form of stress relief for Keith when he was bounced from foster home to foster home. He could feel tension and anxiety flow out of him with the blood, entering a state of relaxed bliss (though he would admit that could have been blood loss talking.)

Keith sat against the wall in his shower, letting the water wash over his arms and legs and watching with detached interest as his blood flowed and swirled slowly down the drain. After a few more doboshes, he slowly stood and grabbed a couple of towels from the rack nearby, using one to stop the bleeding on his leg while he staunches the bleeding on his arm.

With swiftness gained from years of experience, Keith cleaned the cuts and firmly bandaged them before pulling on his old clothes. When Keith had left the Castle of Lions and his fellow Paladins, he'd left behind almost everything he had brought from Earth, fully embracing the Blade of Marmora.

He had almost put on his Blade uniform but decided against it when he realized the outline of his bandages would be visible under it, causing unnecessary questions and concern. Once he had situated everything and ensured his wrappings were hidden, Keith left his old room and made his way to the bridge.

Keith entered the bridge as Kolivan was discussing with Allura and Shiro what their next course of action would be. Antok and Thace were standing off to the side near their leader, ready to offer advice or ideas if asked. Ulaz was nowhere in sight, most likely working on something Keith wouldn't understand.

Keith gave the leaders of the Coalition and the older Blades a nod before heading over to Lance, Pidge, and Hunk, failing to notice the three Galra stiffen slightly, Kolivan and Thace’s eyes widening and their nostrils flaring.

The smell of blood clung to their youngest member, muffled by clothing and fabric but it was there.

Kolivan rumbled slightly, softly enough to be unnoticeable to everyone but his senior intelligence officer and mate. It was a quiet message, asking the two to take Keith to Ulaz to be looked over while he finished his business here. Thace and Antok replied in the same way, silently relaying that they would look after their cub.

Thace stood for a moment longer before slowly making his way over to the younger Paladins and Keith, observing the young hybrids body language. Keith stood with his friends, silently observing the conversation between Kolivan, Allura, and Shiro while remaining attentive to the story Lance told. But the boy could not fool Thace. There were dark lines under his eyes as if he had not slept for quintents at a time (Thace had plenty of experience spotting THAT with his mate), and he was favoring his left arm and leg, leaning heavily on his right side.

Not wanting to cause unnecessary tension and stress, Thace approached the group calmly. “Keith.” He called quietly enough to not disturb the Blue, Green and Yellow Paladins, but loud enough for the cub to hear him. Keith looked over at him, excusing himself from the group before making his way over to Thace. “What’s up?” he asked, head tilting in curiosity. Thace couldn’t help but smile at the action,

“Ulaz requires our help in the medical bay.” He said simply. Keith tilted his head to the other side in confusion but followed the senior Blade out of control room without complaint. They walked in companionable silence for a bit, until they were halfway to the medical wing when Thace asked quietly, “Why are you trying to hide your injuries, cub?”

Keith stopped mid-stride causing Thace to walk a few paces ahead. There was a confused look on Keith’s face, his eyes narrowing slightly. “I’m not injured…” he said cautiously though didn’t get any further in his excuse when Thace was in front of him immediately, bending down and taking a deep breath in through his nose. His ears pinned back to the back of his head, his eyes showing concern and confusion.

“Kolivon, Antok, and I could smell the blood on you as soon as you walked into the control center,” he explained, causing Keith to freeze like a deer in the headlights. “A cut here or there wouldn’t be an issue, it happens to the best of us. But the scent was heavy around you. I’m shocked that the Alteans didn’t smell it!

“Kolivan asked that one us escort you to Ulaz so he could look you over and take care of you.” At that Keith took a big step back, looking like an animal cornered and needing an escape. “I… I’m fine, Thace…” he stammered, taking another step back towards the way they came. “I need to go, excuse me…” With that, the young hybrid turned on heel and dashed towards his room, ignoring Thace as he called out his name.

Keith ran like his life depended on it, wanting to be away from prying eyes and back in his own quarters once more. He couldn’t let them catch him, couldn’t let them see! He slammed his hand on the lock to his door, his bio-signature preventing anyone but him from opening the door. Keith made his way to his bed, sitting in the farthest corner with his back to the door and covering himself with his blanket.

His eyes were wide with fear and distress, his mind racing at what had nearly happened. The Blades had smelled the blood from his cuts. He thought he had covered them so well, masked them behind bandages and clothing but the Galra had seen right through it, smelled right through it. His arms began itching uncontrollably, aching for more cuts to drive the pain away. Keith staggered to his feet, grabbing his razer from his hiding place and making his way to the shower.

Thace ran after Keith, fear for the cub urging him forward but he arrived too late when he found the door to Keith’s room locked and access denied. He commed his fellow Blades, informing them of the situation before trying to rewire the door to open. Thace wasn’t having any luck when he heard footsteps behind him, turning to see not only his pack but the Paladins as well.

“What’s going on here? Why are you trying to get into Keith’s room?” The black Paladin asked, brow furrowed in confusion. Antok replied for Thace, explaining to those present what they had discovered when Keith entered the control room and that Thace had been taking Keith to see Ulaz. “But when I asked about his injuries,” Thace continued, not looking up from rewiring the door while Pidge handed him tools. “He became… frightened and took off running.”

Shiro still looked confused for a tick before realization dawned on his face, his eyes going wide and panicked. “MOVE!!” He yelled, causing Thace and Pidge to scramble back immediately as the Black Paladin ignited his hand, slicing through the door like a hot knife through butter. Before the door had even fallen Shiro was in the room, dashing for the bathroom and hitting the access panel.

Steam wooshed out quickly causing Shiro to pause for just a moment before rushing inside. The others gathered around the door, their eyes widening in shock and fear at what they saw. Keith lay in the shower, his body covered in cuts that bled rapidly as the hot water washed over him, turning unmarred skin red from the heat. Shiro didn’t bother to turn off the water, murmuring to his barely conscious brother while wrapping him up in a towel.

Coran and Ulaz ran out of the room as soon as they saw Keith, rushing to the medical wing to ready one of the pods. As Shiro was about to sprint to the medical wing with Keith in his arms, Antok grabbed his shoulder to stop him. “Give me the cub,” he rumbled, barely reacting when Shiro growled at him. “You are soaked and if you try to run you could slip and injure yourself or cause more damage to Keith.”

Knowing there was no time to argue Shiro handed Keith off to Antok, the Blade nodding once before dashing full speed for the medical wing, the sound of the others following fading away. He almost bowled Coran over as he entered the pod room, going over to the pod that Ulaz stood next to and placing Keith inside. Once the pod closed the large Galra collapsed to his knees, whining quietly at the thought of the cub he and his pack had adopted being hurt so badly.

Soon the rest of the Blades and the Paladins stood around the pod staring at their friend, adopted brother, and son. Kolivan was the first to speak, his voice low and dangerous when he asked, “Who did this?” Everyone turned towards the Blade Master, their hearts freezing in fear that someone among them could hurt Keith but Shiro dispelled the notion quickly when he shook his head. “No one hurt Keith, he did this to himself.” He said quietly, his eyes tired and shining with unshed tears.

“I thought he had stopped...” he continued as turned back towards the pod, bowing his head and letting the tears fall. The Garrison Trio stared at their leader, each face was a mix of horror and regret but those not from Earth only looked alarmed and confused. “I apologize Shiro but I don’t understand,” Ulaz said as gently as possible, resting a hand on the Black Paladin’s shoulder and guiding him over to a chair to sit. “Why would Keith hurt himself? Why would anyone hurt themselves?”

Shiro took a deep breath, scrubbing his arm angrily over his eyes to stop the tears for a moment. “When I was about nineteen or twenty my parents began fostering Keith. He was twelve when he came to live with us and had been in and out of the foster system for years. Some of those families were… cruel is putting it too lightly, they were savage with Keith. Made him feel worthless and that any and every mistake he made him unloved and unwanted. He began cutting himself as a way to cope with the stress.

“I found him in the bathroom one day, arms covered in cuts and bleeding all over. I rushed him to the hospital, can still remember the blood all over me…” Shiro shuddered at the memory, grateful for Ulaz’s hand resting on his back. “They kept Keith for a couple of weeks,” he continued, looking up at Keith’s still form in the pod. “Mom, dad and I visited him every day, learned where this all began, got him help to try and work through it. We made sure that Keith knew nothing he could ever do would change how we felt about him.

“A couple of years later he aced the entrance exams and got into the Garrison. A couple of years after that I got assigned to the Kerberos mission and the rest you already know.”

Everyone remained silent, unsure of what to say or do with this new knowledge...

“Shiro?” Thace asked quietly, drawing everyone’s attention to where he stood next to Ulaz. “You said that Keith was doing better with hurting himself. I haven’t noticed anything like today while he has been with the Blades. Do you have any idea what could have triggered this?” The Black Paladin frowned, trying to think of anything when Matt spoke up from behind. “I… I may be able to answer that,” he said hesitantly. “But I could be wrong and… and it’s not something anyone is going to like hearing…”

With that Matt explained what had happened during their most recent engagement with the Empire, from Haggar’s ship appearing out of nowhere to Keith trying to sacrifice himself to bring the Witch’s barrier down. Hearing that their kit had tried to kill himself like that sent Kolivan reeling, stumbling back into Antok who kept his mate from falling over. Ulaz looked paler than usual, Thace holding him close as he rumbled comfortingly.

Surprisingly Hunk was the first to speak up, his gaze sad but determined. “We gotta make this right,” he said with conviction. “We gotta show Keith that what he tried to do was wrong, gotta show him that no matter what happens he IS family and that he’s loved.”

It took a few moments for the shock to wear off but once it had, everyone present nodded in agreement, beginning to make plans to help Keith anyway possible.

It was another quintant before Keith was deemed healthy enough to leave the pod. When the shield holding him inside faded away he fell into Shiro’s arms, wrapped in a warm purple Minky blanket that Lance had procured from their last trip to the space mall. Keith whined slightly when he tried to open his eyes only to shut them immediately against the bright lights. Kolivan heard the cub’s whine, taking some of the blanket near Keith’s head and forming it into a hood to cover his head.

Once his brother was comfortable Shiro carried Keith bridal style to Shiro’s room. Keith’s memory was slightly fuzzy in regards to the past couple days until he remembered Thace confronting Keith about the smell of blood the hybrid was giving off. He remembered running to his room, remembered feeling numb and worthless. He didn’t remember much after that, water mixing with the blood, shadows surrounding him, Shiro murmuring to him, feeling cold…

Keith didn’t have time to think anymore as Shiro entered his room, waiting for Kolivan to sit on the bed before handing his brother over the Blade Master while Shiro gathered clothing for Keith to wear. Kolivan wrapped his arms around his cub, soft rumbles emanating from Galra’s chest. Keith blinked, trying to understand what was happening. How come they weren’t getting mad at him? He had fucked up, had caused them to worry and had wasted resources by being put into a pod… His mind stopped racing when Kolivan rested his head on Keith’s crown. “Cub,” he murmured softly, gently rubbing Keith’s back.

“You are not a waste of resources, nor are you anything else that your mind is whispering to you. Yes, you “fucked up” as you so eloquently put it, and all of us were, and still are, concerned for your well being. You are precious to all of us, not just to the Paladins but to the Blade of Marmora as well. If you ever feel the darkness surrounding you once more, come to any of us. It does not matter where you are, who you are with, or what is happening. Your wellbeing is the top priority.”

Keith stared at Kolivan, eyes wide and tears pricking the corners. “B-but you said t-the mission i-is m-more important than t-the individual…” Keith said hoarsely, his voice raspy from disuse. At that Shiro came over, setting the clothes to one side as he gripped Keith’s hands. “Your LIFE is the mission, Keith,” He said fiercely, squeezing those hands slightly for emphasis. “Dying means one less person to help bring this war to an end, dying means one less person we get to celebrate with when this is all over. Dying means one more person we have to mourn, knowing that they never got a chance to experience the freedom we fought so hard for.

“I’ve known you the longest and I know you’ve been fighting this fight for years. You were able to win once before, little brother, you can win again.” Shiro smiled softly, both hands reaching up to grasp Keith’s cheeks gently between them, thumbs brushing the stream of tears away. Shiro pulled Keith into his arms, holding his blanket wrapped brother as they cried together, Kolivan a silent guardian over the two.

It would take months, perhaps years for Keith to feel any self-worth but none of his family refused to give up on him. Hunk would cook his favorite foods from home, Pidge gave him a stress ball like device that would heat up if he became too distressed or anxious, Lance taught him (and the other visiting Blades) yoga, Allura and Coran taught Thace and Ulaz pressure points that would relax their cub when he was away from the Castle.

Everyone knew that this couldn’t be fixed in a night and a day but they remained a constant in Keith’s life, even after the war was over and won, and that was enough for Keith.


End file.
